Dale Carnegie – How to Win Friends & Influence People Audiobook
Dale Carnegie – How to Win Friends & Influence People Audiobook : I ‘d like to start the review by stating that I’ve always found the title of this book incredibly off-putting. I understand that it is meant to draw the attention of the customer, but the title, to me, does not represent the product at all.
This book isn’t a self-help book for people who want to make friends. It is a book that reiterates the basic tenants of leadership in the workplace.
Point being, don’t let the title of the kitsch keep you from giving this book a chance, there’s good information here.
My father handed me this book when I was a young adult, and I was about to make a leap into the working world. He told me that he held the keys to effective leadership.I’ve been bumping against reading it for a while before finally relinquishing (I was a precocious teenager and obviously I already knew everything the world had to offer), and again, the title of the book seriously repulsed me.
Since I initially relented, I’ve read this book a number of times over the years, and it never fails to bring me back to reality.
From time to time, I even find myself subconsciously summarizing Carnegie while hosting leadership training or mentoring my workers.
This almost always prompts me to pick up the Dale Carnegie – How to Win Friends & Influence People Audiobook again. (I really enjoy reading through all the notes I’ve been writing in the margins over the years.
It’s always an interesting dive into your own subconscious through the ability to see a time capsule like this: what is basically a time-stamped example of the opinions and the ever-changing priorities of your own ideals.
This is neither here nor there; my love for actual physical books, as well as my preference for writing my answers and opinions all over the pages, is not really relevant to this review. Just a tangent one.)
What I find so intriguing about Carnegie ‘s concepts is that they are obviously all just common sense. There are absolutely * zero * revelations.
You won’t learn anything new about interpersonal relationships, leadership, or mentorship.; Every new chapter you ‘re embarking on is so ‘in-your-face’ that you almost want to touch your own forehead like an over-dramatic soap opera star; it says, “OF COURSE.”
Despite this fact; (I personally feel) it’s really important to read all these * truths * of life … Ironically enough, precisely because these are statements of common sense:
* * The “well, duh” aspect of Carnegie’s “rules” is the same feature that allows us to breeze past them in our daily lives. * *
Because each of these “rules” is a statement that we all assume to be an innate and universally understood fact of human life, they are never actually at the forefront of our minds.
This means that they are almost immediately forgotten because we already understand that they are true-and therefore we assume that they already inform our behavior; but in reality,We just recognized them as true and stuffed them into a tiny corner of our memory.
Reading Carnegie ‘s book shines a spotlight on that corner, blows the heaps of dust off these ideas, and prompts us to compare our recent behaviors with those “known” truths.
That’s why I read Carnegie ‘s book so many times. It almost feels like re-orienting your personal compass to me.
No matter how many times I draw these rules to the forehead of my consciousness, because of their nature as such obvious truths, they always begin to slip back into the recesses of my mind.
I like to pull this book out so often, and I like to give my brain a nice jolt. There is no need to sit down and read the entire book at once, organized as a list that is already categorized into sections relating to specific sub-tasks involved in interpersonal communication.
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is one of Warren Buffett’s favorite books, so if you’re a professional that’s probably enough to spark your interest. It was originally written in 1937 and draws the key wisdom from the life of Abraham Lincoln and the contemporary psychology of the time, namely the work of Sigmund Freud.
Despite this, the information remains relevant-which I think is quite a feat. In fact, many of Carnegie ‘s statements are reminiscent of Skinner ‘s operating conditioning, although I don’t think he’s ever said that.
To give a brief summary, the book is broken into sections titled: “Techniques in Managing People,” “Ways to Make People Like You,” “Win People To Your Way of Thinking,” and “Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Offensiveness or Exciting Ressent.” Each of these sections includes chapters that explain the following “rules” and provide interesting examples.
Again, I would like to point out that this is not a Dale Carnegie – How to Win Friends & Influence People Audiobook for people looking to make friends; despite one of the segment titles, such as “ways to make people like you,” it does not preach methods of fostering friendships-instead.
this particular segment is relevant to leadership because of Carnegie’s earlier statement on that: People will never do anything unless they really * want * to do it.
This is the truth of life; you can use your position of power to force a person to complete a task, but unless you create an actual desire or desire within that person, they will cease to act as soon as that power is removed (or you turn your back).
Thus, the segment of making people like you sets out rules that are geared towards earning the trust and respect of your worker so that they actually want to work for you, vice, using your position of power to be essentially strong – arm them to do your bidding.
Here are the segments and rules:
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment:
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Techniques in Handling People:
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You:
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “you’re wrong”.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Begin in a friendly way.
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Appeal to the nobler motives.
Dramatize your ideas.
Throw down a challenge.
Again, this all seems like common sense when you read it, but in practice, it’s going to be a lot harder to stick to — especially when you’re personally put off (or just disliked) one or some of the people you work with on a daily basis.
It’s also hard to remember that you’re not always a person in a position of power; you ‘re often at the other end of these situations, and you have to give up the position of control in a conversation-let them lead.
It’s important to keep in mind (and Carnegie reiterates this) that no matter what situation you ‘re going through, whether you’re the person who’s leading the change, or whether you’re the person who needs to undergo change, the person you’re talking to ALWAYS believes in some way that they’re superior to you.
It doesn’t matter how exceptional or horrible their job performance may be, they truly and sincerely believe that they are the superior person even if they don’t say it, and even if they do, as if you’re someone they ‘re looking for.
Carnegie also emphasizes the importance of avoiding arguments. He says that even if you “win” the argument, you ‘re still a loser. All the results are negative. You never want to humiliate a person, you lose the trust and respect that you’ve worked to build.
He quotes and old saying, “A man who is convinced against his will / is still of the same opinion;” meaning that they may relinquish at the moment, but in reality you may have solidified their original opinion by putting them in a position to defend it.
It’s quite difficult to avoid arguments because it’s human nature to deal with aggression-we have to make a conscious choice to sit back and let someone release their ill-will without meeting them there. Take the verbal beat!
The biggest point I’ve always got from reading this book is how paramount and fragile the human ego is. It is the driving force behind the opinions and actions of every human being on earth. At the end of the way, they are all concerned with themselves.
There are no completely selfless acts, somebody still “gets something” out of their actions (fulfills some need), even if it’s only a feeling of value or joy .
Every single person on earth is so starved, in some way, for attention and/or recognition. They want to be seen, no matter if they’re willing to admit it to others (or even to themselves). If you can meet that need for them, you’ve got it. It’s so important to just make it known that “I see you.”
But my points are as follows: if you’re looking for a self-help book that will show you how to make friends, it’s not for you. If you are a professional who is, or may be, in a leadership position, this book is definitely for you.
Even if you don’t think you need any advice (because you obviously already have the best!), this book is priceless.
Not only does it give you insight into your own actions, it also gives you a window into the actions and choices of those you work with / for.
As stated, we ‘re not always the main player in a situation, sometimes we’re the person that this book talks about dealing with.
To sit back and let the other person take over (while knowing where they come from) always makes us better workers.
Everyone is both a subordinate and a leader; everyone has someone else to whom they can answer. A full bird-eye view of the situation can only provide us with more tools for our toolbox!